New horror story preview!

So I’m kinda frustrated with the zombie story. So I started another story about a certain internet legend! Its coming out a lot better I think so heres the first page! If you spot any problems please comment and tell me!

Also quick warning to those who might be reading this who are easily creeped out. Don’t read this before bed

 

 

 

                                                 Dir Ritter

 

 

“Can you tell me what you saw?” John was concerned, but still skeptical. This guy was crazy… But john listened anyway. It was his job to listen to crack heads all day. He was used to it by now. The guy was frantic when he came into the sheriff’s station. He said his name was jacob. This weirdo claimed some kind of monster had come at them in the woods and taken his son

“It was huge! It looked like the forest had come alive and was standing there holding my son! I couldn’t move… It was like it was holding me in place! my legs still worked, it was just… It was as if I didn’t want to move! It kept on looking at me, Like it was savoring my helpless screaming. Oh god its face! It looked like skin had been stretched over a skull. OH GOD IT HAS MY SON! I WANT MY SON BACK”

“Calm down jacob. When was the last time you saw your son?”

“IT HAS MY SON GOD DAMN IT! AND I WANT HIM BACK!”

“Jacob please calm down. Would you like some water? Coffee maybe?”

“No… just some paper please”

“Paper? Okay well feel free to use the paper on the desk”

Jacob got up from his chair and sat down at the desk. He quickly grabbed the pen and started drawing as he sat back down. “What’s that you’re drawing jacob?”

“Nothing nothing… It just helps me calm down thats all”

 

6 thoughts on “New horror story preview!

  1. Nice work Tal. I love how we start with a line of dialogue. I think you can take this story further. Think about where it can go after this. What surprise is in store for us that subverts the expectations we have at the start of the story.

  2. good!!!!!
    it starts so well that i want to keep reading.
    characterisation is good too. polite but disbelieving policeman, crackhead who might be distorting reality or might be describing it accurately. keep this tension/amiguity up as long as you can – if possible even to the end.
    i want to read more…….

  3. Thanks! Good idea about how the crackhead (I’m not sure if he was actually on Crack yet) might be distorting the truth! I’ll be doing some editing to see how that works with the way its planed out.

  4. This is great Tal! I really like the suspense and intrigue you are building. I found myself hoping that the symbol might be a clue to the mystery in some form:-) I look forward with anticipation to the continuation of this story. Thank you!

  5. Thanks! The story is based off of a famous internet legend like I said. So if you want some extra clues you can use the power of GOOGLE!

  6. Hi Tal! Thanks for the story preview! It’s a great start! I want more details….if this guy is a crackhead, which is a pretty serious condition for a person, I’d like to know more about their mannerisms. does he stutter, does he have veins in his eyes, does he slam his hands on the desk. And the scene in sherrif’s station. is this in a small town ? the only thing I was confused about so far (and maybe this is intentional) – did the forest seem as though it was coming alive, or was there a specific body or creature (with skin?)
    Very cool, keep me posted! –faith

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